ChronicPain My Journey

I just want to poop! Chronic pain + medication = chronic constipation and depression Pooping, normally a subject mothers will have with other mothers about their baby’s or for those of us who have pets may often talk about how gross it is to pick up our animals poop. However I have a problem.  Who am I supposed to talk to without feeling embarrassed?  Even talking to my closest friends about what my next blog was, was hard for me to share. I’m 42 this year and my life seems to revolve around bowel movements or lack thereof. There isn’t a lot of information on the web for us adults to turn to for help. What helps most people does barely anything for me so I’ve really had to change my lifestyle. I hope what I’ve learned helps you. Now don’t go thinking I talk about my pooping ritual to everyone, however my poor husband has to listen to me complain daily.  The second person who knows all about my lack of bowel movements is my GP. Do you know what it’s like to consta...

I wasn’t planning on writing this blog entry however I felt I should.   My depression levels have been pretty high the last 3 days, due to my soaring pain levels. It’s been awhile since my last bout of depression came over me so I’m grateful for this.   I know for a fact that if I didn’t have pain I wouldn’t have depression. Anyone living in 24/7 pain would have depression. Depression is like a dark shadow that slowly takes over your soul. Seeps in slowly, overtakes everything however then passes.   That’s the most important thing to remember is that it will pass. It took me awhile to learn this however I repeated this to myself mentally constantly. It’s important to be patient and to believe. I’ve only had chronic pain for 5 years however I’ve only begun accepting recently.   Now that I’ve accepted this other things are starting to fall into place. I understand that when I start to have constant negative thoughts to check in and think about my pain levels. It ...

My next 2 days (7-8) of my Cymbalta withdrawals were really rough. On day 7 I was not keeping any food down, extremely nauseas and literally staring into abyss, not caring the least bit that I was doing nothing. My body switched between hot and cold spells within seconds of either trying to warm myself up or cool myself down. I was sensitive to noise and light and could barely keep my eyes open. The bags under my eyes felt as though they were being dragged down along with my knees by weights to the ground. We called a GP who came to the house and provided me with an injection to stop my nausea and throwing up. It worked for the nausea however I spent 2 days in bed, not doing anything and it didn’t bother me. I saw my GP on day 9 of my lower dosage of Cymbalta. (90mg currently down from 120mg) I was still very tired and nauseas however a huge improvement from the last 2 days. He made it clear all of my symptoms that I explained to him days 7-9 were withdrawal symptoms.   My ...

For the last month I've been feeling as though I have my depression under control and that I’ve finally reached the point where I don’t need to be on my antidepressants anymore. My depression is not gone and I still see a psychologist who is all I feel I need now. She’s amazing and provides with the most beneficial cognitive therapy. Being the research queen I am I’ve researched and researched the withdrawal symptoms, of Cymbalta, which are pretty scary and intense. You have to remember when researching to be realistic and most importantly to not gather all of your information from the internet. My chronic pain specialist has provided me with a plan to eventually get me off of this med. It'll take about 5-6 months. He also went through a list of withdrawal symptoms that I may go through. Through my research I discovered that my possible symptoms would include: ·         Brain zaps - electric shock-like sensations in head ·         Body za...

Tomorrow is March 17th. It'll be 5 years tomorrow since I got injured. I'm hiding in my bedroom now. I have all my fairy lights on, and some music in the background. My dogs are with me. Dogs are great because they don't speak. They're just there by my side, chilling. I know any moment I'm going to cry however I'm trying not to. Partially because I want to be strong and not be beaten by my pain.  I just want to forget. I'm doing all I can so really I need to learn more patience.  I've improved so much on pacing which is a huge deal for me.  Iv also started to cut down on my medication which I'm VERY happy about. I'm not going off of everything however even a little bit is pretty amazing. I still see March 17th as the day my life changed and my passion which who made me, me, was taken. Dance, my life, my baby, my everything. I breathed, ate, dreamed dance, choregraphing all the time. This is the first time I've probably ever written thi...

Recently I went on a holiday. I always look forward to holidays. Who doesn't right? No work, no cleaning, eating lots of yummy food and exploring however what I most look forward to is my lowered pain levels. I still have flare ups however normally nothing compared to the ones I get whilst back in reality. So what am I doing wrong when I come back home? I've been thinking about this quite abit during the last few days, as I've been so angry which is most likely my depression. I really hit an all time low when I first got back. The drive home, unpacking.....it flared my back into a rage. I was so angry and thought why am I working, why do I have to help around the house? Why do I have to go to the hydro pool. My first session back my eyes were filling up with tears from the pain and my first sessions was shorter and slow as I knew I had to take it easy not being in the pool for about a week. So why....why do I work part time or help my husband  around the house even though...

When someone says disability what jumps to your mind? You may picture someone in a wheelchair, motorised cart, overweight , older?  Who knows however I imagine it could be along this line. Many adds we see these days use these types of people , so I don't blame people for jumping to these conclusions. I strongly feel a newer campaign needs to be started. I'd love to be the face of pain. Why.....well I'm youngish and whilst just glancing at me you can't always see my disability. Society needs a much more effective advertisement of  people living with invisible diseases. It can be impossible to know when looking at people, when they're young, in good shape and smiling. I've been in pain for so long now it's just become a part of my life. It definitely doesn't make things easy however I'm not going to walk around disheveled, in torn clothes, shoeless with a dark cloud over my head shouting "I'm in pain......ohhhhhhhh I'm in pain everyo...