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Showing posts from 2014

Holiday is bliss for my chronic pain.....so why can't I permanently be on holiday?!

Recently I went on a holiday. I always look forward to holidays. Who doesn't right? No work, no cleaning, eating lots of yummy food and exploring however what I most look forward to is my lowered pain levels. I still have flare ups however normally nothing compared to the ones I get whilst back in reality. So what am I doing wrong when I come back home? I've been thinking about this quite abit during the last few days, as I've been so angry which is most likely my depression. I really hit an all time low when I first got back. The drive home, unpacking.....it flared my back into a rage. I was so angry and thought why am I working, why do I have to help around the house? Why do I have to go to the hydro pool. My first session back my eyes were filling up with tears from the pain and my first sessions was shorter and slow as I knew I had to take it easy not being in the pool for about a week. So why....why do I work part time or help my husband  around the house even though

We need better campaigns when educating others about chronic pain

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When someone says disability what jumps to your mind? You may picture someone in a wheelchair, motorised cart, overweight , older?  Who knows however I imagine it could be along this line. Many adds we see these days use these types of people , so I don't blame people for jumping to these conclusions. I strongly feel a newer campaign needs to be started. I'd love to be the face of pain. Why.....well I'm youngish and whilst just glancing at me you can't always see my disability. Society needs a much more effective advertisement of  people living with invisible diseases. It can be impossible to know when looking at people, when they're young, in good shape and smiling. I've been in pain for so long now it's just become a part of my life. It definitely doesn't make things easy however I'm not going to walk around disheveled, in torn clothes, shoeless with a dark cloud over my head shouting "I'm in pain......ohhhhhhhh I'm in pain everyo

Pacing

Pacing.....anyone with chronic pain will probably be sick of hearing it ,however it's one of the most important words when you have chronic pain. I've pulled back heaps since I got injured, and you know what I reckon I need to pull back even more. Having a routine is so important. Making sure you find the right balance of resting and moving about is crucial. For me a typical day looks like this: Wake up, put dishes away, take my meds, feed dogs , make my breakfast and rest. Normally starting to flare at this point so I turn on my heat blanket and chill. Next I get showered, dressed, put my make up on, this causes a flare up so rest time it is. Off to work I go.  I work part time hours. Work can be tricky however the mental stimulation and interaction is important. I have a mat at work where I stretch if I need to. Often I'll do reduced hours, get to work and not be able to finish however other times I do my best at pushing through. Listening to my body is the most

Where I am now with my chronic pain

It's now been 4 years and 7 months that I've been living with chronic pain- complex pain syndrome.  My pain specialist, whom I'm so grateful for, even saw my change during my last visit just a couple of weeks ago. I get it now and have accepted my disability. It's nice to have something to feel proud of these days as I haven't felt proud of much since being injured.  I have a much better idea of what my limitations are and accept them. I'm proud of myself when I reach my 18 hours at work. I rarely achieve this goal however I have to remind myself I have chronic pain. For someone who has chronic pain 18 hours is full time. I work with the most incredible group of people. They accept and understand my limitations. We all help one another out. They make me smile, unload, laugh and learn. I'm happy that I have opportunity to grow in my role so am pretty excited about that. I'm looking forward to presenting seminars to the music teachers and review how the

Who am I now that chronic pain is a part of me

My life now involves pain. I don't care how long one is in pain for a day.....a month....for years. Pain is pain and when you experience it you need to make changes. Obviously the longer you're in pain such as chronic pain the more changes you need to make. Finding new passions when you're older is so much harder. Probably due to being so set in our ways. I don't know if I'll ever let go of losing my dance. Is it stubbornness....is it denial probably both and more. Took me two years after I got injured to find something I felt passion for. Some people call me a die hard Melbourne Storm fan however there's a very strong connection I have. It's nice to have something that makes me feel alive again. Even if it's just for a moment. It makes me happy something these days I don't feel often. I hide a lot behind my smile and laughs.  Funny that after a Stoem family event my husband and my photo was taken and used on their main website. Strange how life w

I want to help but must help myself first with my chronic pain

Most mornings I wake up sore, burning and am slow.  I wrap myself in my heat blanket, try some stretching and rest. Every now and then completing a small task, feeding the dogs, preparing my smoothie, putting dishes away etc. As much pain as I'm in I know it's important to keep moving. It's hard and I can see how most people who have chronic pain don't have the motivation to work, to go out and to most importantly exercise. I'm learning myself how little I can actually do. It's hard and yeah it sucks. I get so frustrated that so little actually flares up my back however I'm now listening to my body and this is what it is. I must learn, as hard as it is , to get used to my new lifestyle. I can't wait to run the pain support group again. I had to give it up due to it creating too much pain, meaning I did way too much....that is for someone living with chronic pain. Work....it's important. I probably am working too much. 18 hours however I need hum

Accepting is tough

I wish I could say things have got easier but in all honesty I feel as though  in some ways they've got worse. I've used the technique of diversion. Which can only get you so far. My psych taught me to start paying attention to it. Start grieving and perhaps that's what I'm doing and why I feel in ways I've got worse. Pain....everyday..it's shit. To sit and listen what me body is telling me sucks. It's sucks because although I've changed so much already I'm need to pull back even more. With my gps approval I've cut my hours back even more. I take more endone to help with my pain as it's my only break through drug which helps slightly. I want to accept this new life and one day I hope to however it's going to be so hard. I'm grateful for my amazing husband, family and friends and treating team. I'm grateful I have a phenomenal lawyer because I doubt I'd be here right now typing this up. I wonder how long this grieving pr