Living with chronic pain

I sit here clenching my teeth as my pain levels sore.
What I would give to live just one day pain free.
It's times like these my mood sinks and I sit here doing nothing. 
I have my trial stimulator to look forward to however can only hope that it works. It's important I go in to that trial with an open mind only.

Words cannot express what living with pain for over 8 years feels like.
I've definitely changed a lot since 1st developing neuropathic pain and alloydina. 

I don't live in fear anymore. I used to be scared to go out, for fear of causing more damage. After being educated on neuropathic pain I learned that wasn't the case.
I definitely do more these days. I just ensure I have recovery days and ask myself is what you're about to do worth a severe flare up.

I attended 2 music festivals this year! Pretty proud of myself. I could barely walk by the end of the night at 'Hotter than Hell' and at Download we left early due to my severe pain levels however I did it. I had my recovery days and my pain levels lowered to a 3 which is my 0.

Last year I participated in Yarra Valley Ballets 1st recital. I had to double my pain meds to get through the day and had 2 break downs however I did it and it was epic!
It was a very special day for me as I didn't even know if I'd handle being there both mentally and pain wise.
Losing dance for 7 years was awful as it was my everything.  Returning to something I thought I had lost was bliss.

Thank you to my friends that could attend. Your support helped me on a really important day for me. I'll be forever grateful for your presence there.

Future recitals are now something I'll look forward to and not something to run from.

I handle both ignorant and arrogant comments from those who have no idea what living with chronic pain is like.
I would get so upset when people didn't believe me or offered ludicrous advice. 
These days I just listen. I am bothered however not enough to take it to heart.

I've been lectured to by chemists about the meds I'm on....why am I on them? Or you need to make sure you don't turn into an addict.....chemists and a surgeon made addict comments to me. I was taking 2 endone a week when the surgeon, who knew that, made that comment. He made me feel like an addict until a nurse once said....that was nothing compared to what take.

I hear from people
"You don't look like you're in pain" "Oh well you know the pain isn't there, it's just in your head"
"I wish I could only work part time" 
"Have you tried rubbing yogurt and honey on your back......."

I work part time because I'm always in pain and my pain levels can sky rocket.
Imagine having a migraine for 8 years straight. It may help put what living with pain actually feels like in perspective for you.

I once had someone at the pool suggest putting yogurt and honey on my back. Not sure how that would help however sounds a little too kinky for me .......

You meet people who just don't get it and never will, and that is ok. I know what I feel like. I don't need to prove to anyone that it's real.
I have an excellent medical team who support me and learn from me. I'm blessed to have such a compassionate and dedicated team who help me best they can.
I'd be lost without you.

I cherish my friends who are there for me and who will often simply ask if I'm ok. I definitely have a few gems in my life who truly support me so well. 

It's easy for people to forget that my life is constant pain.
This blog gives me the opportunity to express myself. An outlet to speak my mind.
To reach out to others who live in pain and to let them know you're not alone.
My aim is to help others and to educate those who want to learn.

Minus my pain my life is pretty fabulous right now. I have a day job I enjoy working with a wonderful group of ladies.

Dance is back in my life which I believe is my gift and what I was meant to do in my life. I'm so happy to have it back in my life.

I live in a home I love in a  beautiful community and where the scenery is divine.

I have a pretty amazing husband. Words can't Express how grateful for you.
Your support and love has been tremendous. 

I also have a lot of love to give to my mother who I know worries but rest assure I have one incredible support network out here.

My dance, my husband, my close friends and medical team all help me fight my chronic pains. They're are definitely many days I couldn't do it on my own. 

Thank you for listening.

Xx
Marika

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