Depression and Chronic Pain- ‘the most important thing to remember is that it will pass’

I wasn’t planning on writing this blog entry however I felt I should.  My depression levels have been pretty high the last 3 days, due to my soaring pain levels. It’s been awhile since my last bout of depression came over me so I’m grateful for this.  I know for a fact that if I didn’t have pain I wouldn’t have depression. Anyone living in 24/7 pain would have depression.

Depression is like a dark shadow that slowly takes over your soul. Seeps in slowly, overtakes everything however then passes.  That’s the most important thing to remember is that it will pass. It took me awhile to learn this however I repeated this to myself mentally constantly. It’s important to be patient and to believe. I’ve only had chronic pain for 5 years however I’ve only begun accepting recently.  Now that I’ve accepted this other things are starting to fall into place.

I understand that when I start to have constant negative thoughts to check in and think about my pain levels. It may not make sense to someone who doesn’t have chronic pain however when my pain levels are at about a 3 or 4 that’s my 0. When my pain levels at this level I can function, work and socialise. I can put the pain at the back of my mind and enjoy myself. However it’s when they start to creep up to a 5-6 and stay there that I start getting upset, when my pain levels reach my 7 my depression hits. Yesterday I had an appointment with my psychologist who is amazing and has helped me tremendously. I mentioned to her that just getting ready to come to this appointment was hard. Having a shower, dressing myself then driving to the appointment really flared my back. I was angry and still couldn’t believe I flared. I asked why is I still get surprised that I’ve flared. Why do I actually think this won’t happen?! She responded with ‘We expect time will heal things & sometimes with chronic pain it doesn’t’. 
I know at times I’m much too hard on myself. I need to be much more forgiving however that will take some time however I’ll get there as I’m determined.  Having 2 cute fur babies definitely helps light my face up.


Today I will wait for the clouds to pass. I’ll look up some positive quotes and watch some comedies. All I can do is rest. It’s important I listen to my pain and wait patiently. For the time being my pain is here to stay.

Please remember if you ever need to speak to someone please contact:

Lifeline- 13 11 14

Beyond Blue- 1300 22 4636

‘The most important thing to remember is that it will pass’.

Keep surviving and stay strong

Marika

Comments

  1. Anonymous12 May 2015 at 18:29

    Definitely know where your coming from. Its never ending and when your in the middle of a flare up and someone in the family doesnt understand and asks "Where has my happy Mum gone, all I see is some one who is emotional and tired who isnt fun to be around". I try to explain i gave him the spoon theory to look at but still he cant get over the fact Im not "normal" anymore as he puts it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown12 May 2015 at 21:04

    Until you really experience pain yourself it's difficult for others to understand. You can see it in people's eyes. There are many though who understand best they can, some do come around eventually.
    It's great to have blogs and support groups online out there to help us :)

    ReplyDelete

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