Who am I now that chronic pain is a part of me

My life now involves pain. I don't care how long one is in pain for a day.....a month....for years. Pain is pain and when you experience it you need to make changes. Obviously the longer you're in pain such as chronic pain the more changes you need to make.

Finding new passions when you're older is so much harder. Probably due to being so set in our ways. I don't know if I'll ever let go of losing my dance. Is it stubbornness....is it denial probably both and more.
Took me two years after I got injured to find something I felt passion for. Some people call me a die hard Melbourne Storm fan however there's a very strong connection I have. It's nice to have something that makes me feel alive again. Even if it's just for a moment. It makes me happy something these days I don't feel often. I hide a lot behind my smile and laughs.  Funny that after a Stoem family event my husband and my photo was taken and used on their main website. Strange how life works out in mysterious ways.

I also found I like comics. This is a recent interest. Incredible artists, bright vivid colours. Strong and empowered female characters. Meh to those who say it's child's play. It's nice to have something to look forward to. The release of a new comic. The continuation of a story.

It's also important that I read about chronic pain. Gives me hope that one day they may treat it, take it away even turn the knob down......50% would be nice.
It also reminds me what's going on in my body.

I still have loads of learning to do. I often feel lost and to be honest at times worthless. I was a career woman before my injury. I loved being a professional in my field. Now I work behind a desk. Something I always swore hands down I'd never ever do. But I do now. I work with an amazing group of people. Who I believe understand my illness/disability. The director I work for is so understanding. Couldn't see the same for DEECD. They threw me out like yesterday's trash.

I want to feel important again. I want to feel like I am worth something. I was used to excelling and doing well. I don't know what I have to show for these days however I will hopefully get there again in at least some capacity.

Life will hopefully lead me in a positive direction. I know I have to put into life and I will. I know I can't stay knocked down forever.

I believe once I know who I am again, this new me i will have much more fulfilment in my life again.

I can't and won't lose hope in life.




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