Where I am now with my chronic pain
It's now been 4 years and 7 months that I've been living with chronic pain- complex pain syndrome. My pain specialist, whom I'm so grateful for, even saw my change during my last visit just a couple of weeks ago. I get it now and have accepted my disability. It's nice to have something to feel proud of these days as I haven't felt proud of much since being injured.
I have a much better idea of what my limitations are and accept them. I'm proud of myself when I reach my 18 hours at work. I rarely achieve this goal however I have to remind myself I have chronic pain. For someone who has chronic pain 18 hours is full time.
I work with the most incredible group of people. They accept and understand my limitations. We all help one another out. They make me smile, unload, laugh and learn. I'm happy that I have opportunity to grow in my role so am pretty excited about that. I'm looking forward to presenting seminars to the music teachers and review how they're doing during performances, this will happen next year.
I make sure I walk everyday. I use a Fitbit to monitor my walking and do my best to stay within my step limit. I remember first being really angry that I had to reduce my step limit when compared to the average persons steps however I got there. I even found a group online of people who have chronic pain. We help one another and we understand each others limits. The positive encouragement is great.
Some days I go over my step limit or don't get anywhere close to my set limit however I remind myself that I have chronic pain and I know I'm doing the best I can. This is of course after I've gotten incredibly angry that i'm in so much pain. I really hate when my pain levels are high. This is something I still need to work on. However you know what......seriously who likes being in pain???? No one, it means I need to pull back.
I also go to the hydro pool 2-3 days a week. My exercise program isn't intense at all and is quite gentle, I take a lot of breaks and I get very sore. All exercise makes me sore although I've learned when to stop when the pain is very intense.
Please if you have chronic pain exercise!! I know it hurts however it's so important you do. My psychologist told me I was her only patient with chronic pain who exercises. This says a lot. I can understand why one with chronic pain wouldn't. It hurts, who wants to be in more pain? I get it however you will be worse off of you don't. Your body will start to tighten up and you'll end up in more pain.
I eat very healthy and indulge in a couple treats and one naughty meal on the weekends. With gaining weight on meds when I first started it really broke my heart. I gained 6 kilos. Not a lot however with having a dance background it crushed me. Eventually my meds were changed and I began eating even healthier. I'm not far off from my original weight. This of course has been done with being very strict with food. I'm unable to exercise at a high level so it's virtually impossible to burn fat however eating properly, walking and completing a hydro program helps me maintain a healthy weight.
My life has changed, I'm in pain every day. I've pulled back heaps in my life and don't go out as nearly as much as I used to. This is my life now but I'm trying really hard to let these changes and pain knock me down. I'm grateful for what I can do. I'm grateful I have an amazing husband, family, friends and treating medical team. I know I wouldn't be here without their support. I still get depressed, who wouldn't when in pain every day? Thinking about the future makes me sad and wonder if I can survive so I don't think about my future anymore. I think about now and making sure I don't overdo things.
I want to help people with chronic pain know you can do it. Dance was my life, my passion, my everything. To me my loss of dance is like losing a child. It's still hard and it's something I'll never get over. I try not to think about it. I've taking up painting. It's nice to find something new to do. Only difficult part is when creating you normally don't have a time limit. I need to make sure I have one though as painting too long really aggravates my back and can cause horrible pain. It's all about learning.
I wish I didn't have chronic pain however I do. I wish the injury never took place but it did.
Life definitely threw the biggest curve ball my way. It's not been easy to deal with but I want people in a similar situation to know you can do it. You may only be able to work part time, you may think you can't exercise however you can in some capacity. It's so important for your mental health and maintenance to do both. I'not going to lie, I still struggle however I try and always will try to push the limits whilst listening to my body.
You'll most likely see me with a smile on my face, making people laugh. You know even one of the phone calls I made to Lifeline due to being really down....ended up me having the guy assisting me laughing by the end of the phone call.
Most people don't see me break down, helpless on the couch, crying my eyes out either by myself or to my husband who feels so helpless as he can't do anything but support me. This isn't how I want people to know me. Sure I've broken down at work, or out about but this is when I'm in severe pain.
I just want to make the best of my new life. For me personally I refuse to get surgery as there is a possibility it could make me worse and I don't want to take that risk.
I am learning, accepting and attempting to get on with my life living with chronic pain.
I have a much better idea of what my limitations are and accept them. I'm proud of myself when I reach my 18 hours at work. I rarely achieve this goal however I have to remind myself I have chronic pain. For someone who has chronic pain 18 hours is full time.
I work with the most incredible group of people. They accept and understand my limitations. We all help one another out. They make me smile, unload, laugh and learn. I'm happy that I have opportunity to grow in my role so am pretty excited about that. I'm looking forward to presenting seminars to the music teachers and review how they're doing during performances, this will happen next year.
I make sure I walk everyday. I use a Fitbit to monitor my walking and do my best to stay within my step limit. I remember first being really angry that I had to reduce my step limit when compared to the average persons steps however I got there. I even found a group online of people who have chronic pain. We help one another and we understand each others limits. The positive encouragement is great.
Some days I go over my step limit or don't get anywhere close to my set limit however I remind myself that I have chronic pain and I know I'm doing the best I can. This is of course after I've gotten incredibly angry that i'm in so much pain. I really hate when my pain levels are high. This is something I still need to work on. However you know what......seriously who likes being in pain???? No one, it means I need to pull back.
I also go to the hydro pool 2-3 days a week. My exercise program isn't intense at all and is quite gentle, I take a lot of breaks and I get very sore. All exercise makes me sore although I've learned when to stop when the pain is very intense.
Please if you have chronic pain exercise!! I know it hurts however it's so important you do. My psychologist told me I was her only patient with chronic pain who exercises. This says a lot. I can understand why one with chronic pain wouldn't. It hurts, who wants to be in more pain? I get it however you will be worse off of you don't. Your body will start to tighten up and you'll end up in more pain.
I eat very healthy and indulge in a couple treats and one naughty meal on the weekends. With gaining weight on meds when I first started it really broke my heart. I gained 6 kilos. Not a lot however with having a dance background it crushed me. Eventually my meds were changed and I began eating even healthier. I'm not far off from my original weight. This of course has been done with being very strict with food. I'm unable to exercise at a high level so it's virtually impossible to burn fat however eating properly, walking and completing a hydro program helps me maintain a healthy weight.
My life has changed, I'm in pain every day. I've pulled back heaps in my life and don't go out as nearly as much as I used to. This is my life now but I'm trying really hard to let these changes and pain knock me down. I'm grateful for what I can do. I'm grateful I have an amazing husband, family, friends and treating medical team. I know I wouldn't be here without their support. I still get depressed, who wouldn't when in pain every day? Thinking about the future makes me sad and wonder if I can survive so I don't think about my future anymore. I think about now and making sure I don't overdo things.
I want to help people with chronic pain know you can do it. Dance was my life, my passion, my everything. To me my loss of dance is like losing a child. It's still hard and it's something I'll never get over. I try not to think about it. I've taking up painting. It's nice to find something new to do. Only difficult part is when creating you normally don't have a time limit. I need to make sure I have one though as painting too long really aggravates my back and can cause horrible pain. It's all about learning.
I wish I didn't have chronic pain however I do. I wish the injury never took place but it did.
Life definitely threw the biggest curve ball my way. It's not been easy to deal with but I want people in a similar situation to know you can do it. You may only be able to work part time, you may think you can't exercise however you can in some capacity. It's so important for your mental health and maintenance to do both. I'not going to lie, I still struggle however I try and always will try to push the limits whilst listening to my body.
You'll most likely see me with a smile on my face, making people laugh. You know even one of the phone calls I made to Lifeline due to being really down....ended up me having the guy assisting me laughing by the end of the phone call.
Most people don't see me break down, helpless on the couch, crying my eyes out either by myself or to my husband who feels so helpless as he can't do anything but support me. This isn't how I want people to know me. Sure I've broken down at work, or out about but this is when I'm in severe pain.
I just want to make the best of my new life. For me personally I refuse to get surgery as there is a possibility it could make me worse and I don't want to take that risk.
I am learning, accepting and attempting to get on with my life living with chronic pain.
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