Chronic Pain is a Part of Me

It's been 10 months since my last blog.
Guess I didn't have much to say and I was busy having a home built.
We decided to move out to the country. Been one of the best decisions we've ever made for us and my chronic pain.
We didn't think we'd move further out until we were much older however life changes and we're here to make the most of everything.
Life is definitely slower here and it's fabulous. I walk around the corner and there's cattle, sheeps and horses. Short walk down the other street and I'm on the main street listening to a band or eating out.
Mentally it's been so much better here for me. I'm so much more relaxed. For those who don't have a chronic illness and aren't on a ton of medications maybe skip this next sentence. I'm finally pooping! That's how relaxed I am. I poop without slippery elm or movical etc. Those in my shoes will understand how joyous of an occasion this is! 
My pain levels havn't changed. I won't lie part of me was hoping it would moving out here. These work cover Dr's get into your head, at moments, and make you think that they're possibly right.  That it's just me and that I refuse to move forward.
A tough system whom makes you fight for everything,  however the game has changed, I read their documents now and laugh instead of cry.
Currently I'm waiting to get a spinal stimulator which I'm mentally finally ready for.
Work cover don't feel I should have it and would like me to speak to someone first then review after a year.
I already have spoken to someone and it's the best thing I ever did. Helped me immensly. I'll go again and have a chat with someone else. Excited actually as the woman I'll be going to is phenomenal and specialises purely in chronic pain. I saw her years ago when I had my ketamine infusion. She'll be so happy to see how far I've come 
I'm not back to my old self and never will be. I don't think you can living in constant pain. From time to time I'll get bummed when I miss concerts, parties, work days however it passes so much quicker than it used too. My friends understand. Life won't end if I don't go to something.
I've recently been employed at an amazing school where I'm assisting then teaching piano in the afternoons. I've not been this happy since I taught dance in Canada 10 years ago. This makes me want my stimulator more than ever.
It's quite demanding on my back however  I get 2 days off after one day and 3 days off after my other day of work to recover.
I mentally prepare myself by using mindfullness and I get through my day.
I'm in pain, I get nauseated however recentre myself. Almost broke down the other day at work. I was in so much pain and felt so sick. I started to stress as I just didn't want my pain to take over however a couple of teachers spoke to me and helped me recentre. I will have my moments however I'm 80% there.
So I'm in pain everyday, it's my life now and it's ok. It's not what I want and sure I really, really wish things were different however I refuse to lay down and be a sour puss. I function, I work part time, I know my social limts and lay down when my pain levels are through the roof.
It doesn't bother me anymore when people try and help with idea's that I've either already tried or are hokey pokey.
I don't care anymore for those who don't care to understand my chronic pain, or who don't believe my pain exists because I'm a happy person, or those who are just plain rude with their remarks. Doesn't bother me anymore and I'm learning to not even respond. Not worth it.
I think having a 10 month absence from blogging has been good. I've grown, accepted and can truly see a difference I'm proud of. I hope you can too.
80% there is bloody good☺

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